Even though in the beginnings of my life as one of the biggest fans of ladies professional wrestling and of my cross-dressing, female-impersonating wrestling persona, I was convinced that I was the only person in the world whose mind had ever been crossed by such thoughts, naturally, I was woefully wrong. Gender-bending has a long history in professional wrestling, starting way back with Gorgeous George’s gimmick in the 1940s, continuing with Exotic Adrian Street, and through various other characters right up to the Exoticos, who are part of a pretty wide phenomenon in Mexico.
Indeed, I wasn’t original, but I was still original in the sense that I never copied/emulated any of the above mentioned legends of the squared circle. My professional wrestling persona developed independently, only influenced by the female wrestlers covered on my “My Squared Circle Heroines” page. Only later did I find about Adrian Street (when I first started watching the LPWA), Gorgeous George (whom, I ashamedly admit, I’ve never seen in action to this day), and the Exoticos (whom I first encountered well into the YouTube age). It is therefore safe to say that I do not actually identify with the gimmicks of any of the above covered wrestlers.
My CQ persona developed gradually over several years. In the beginning, I was content looking into the ring from the outside, watching the ladies toss each-other around from pillar to post, and it actually took me a while until I began seeing myself as an actual participant in this passion of mine. That however ran into a major obstacle: I never particularly enjoyed men’s wrestling, and I generally never appreciated seeing men get involved in the ladies’ matches either. By actually getting myself into the picture, I was creating an unsolvable conundrum. The solution – not a simple one at all – was a compromise which materialized over the course of several years in my mind: I gradually warmed up to the idea of mixed bouts involving exoticos, and by that, I managed to make a bit of room for myself in my world of professional wrestling. Basically, that was the only way I could gain acceptance in my own mind as a professional wrestler.
The realization struck me when a friend of mine – a superbly talented artist and individual, also hook, line and sinker into women’s wrestling and wrestling in general – drew a picture of me as a male wrestler to be part of his virtual/fantasy world of professional wrestling, of which he draws comic strips. I saw the art (which was superbly done by the way) and I realized I did not like the idea of that character. I did not want to be that character. That character did not belong. That’s when CQ was born, and when he drew a couple of panels of CQ in action, I knew that in my sick little twisted mind, that would be the only way I could ever accept and enjoy myself as an actual participant.
I know that for a lot of you out there this makes no sense whatsoever, but it makes perfect sense to me, and at the end of the day, for my own peace of mind, that’s the only thing that matters.